For those of you who don’t know: Haole = Caucasian in Hawaii.
Tourists drive Hawaiis economy so I can really only tease them so much. HOWEVER, while lazing around Waikiki beach, one could bear witness to the most entertaining and horrid of sights (Exhibit A: Sexy Metal Detector Man). While the great concentrations of white-ness can be blinding, the worst is when you see the lobsters.
Some tourists lather up with SPF 15 or even 30 and think they’ll win the war against Hawaii’s intense sun. No sir. They end up looking like a steamed lobster. The worst thing about a sunburn is that it creeps up on you. You don’t actually realize you’re burnt until you feel the searing pain of your next shower. I should work part time as a sunscreen interventionist. I’ll be licensed to carry around a spray bottle full of sunscreen and spray people down if I see fit…I’m imagining my distribution device as something along the lines of the Hydroblitz Super Soaker with dual reservoir tanks. Hells yes.